Damn Right, We Got Dressed Up
posted by MikeI know, I know, it's been ages since I've posted to this thing. Unfortunately the combination of school, time away from a high-speed internet connection, and my sheer overall laziness resulted in an inability to write down anything worth posting and for the three people who at one time read this blog, I couldn't put them through uninspired superficial commentary on things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. But tonight, I am inspired once more! That's right, the 48th annual Grammy Awards. I dedicated a good portion of the last entry in my blog to last year's Grammys and certain rules that seem to apply. Since this was such a source of frustration for me I decided that this year I would have to watch once again and jot down anything that struck me as interesting. My original thought was to keep a running diary, a la Bill Simmons, but I realized that would involve forcing myself to watch the whole thing without a break and I don't condone torture. Instead I made a list of comments which are in somewhat chronological order. So here goes:
1) Here we go, starting out the show with what has in recent years turned out to be a drunken stumble out of the gates. Following tradition the opening act is a combination of artists who have nothing to do with each other and this year that honor goes to...Madonna and the Gorillaz? Really? I have to say, I'm more confused than usual by this pairing, but intrigued. And to be honest, I'm somewhat impressed. This was no Aerosmith, N'Sync, Britney, and Nelly from the Superbowl. The Gorillaz played "Feel Good, Inc.," which was probably one of the top 10 singles of the past year, and that was followed by a pretty decent segue into Madonna's song, "Hung Up." Overall it was pretty entertaining, especially Madge's interactions with the animated Gorillaz. Perhaps Grammy organizers have read my blog...
2) Stevie Wonder is awesome. For a man who will be 56 in May he can still perform. I've been skeptical after last year's "Across The Universe" debacle (though he was the one who brought it together in the end) but his a capella version of "Higher Ground" with Alicia Keys was incredible. And the fact that Alicia Keys held her own gives me nothing but respect for her. Of course the fact that Stevie tried to get the crowd to sing with him and no one complied was a little disappointing. The cameras cut to all sorts of musical legends who clapped along but otherwise looked confused. Oh well, I'd be too embarrassed to sing with Stevie too.
3) This was originally written as #2 1/2 because I forgot to write anything about the actual awards. Seriously, how many awards are actually presented in a 3.5 hour span? 6? 8? It couldn't have been more than 12. That's roughly one award every half hour. Some of the musical performances just aren't worth it, and I would love to see someone like Jack White or Bruce Springsteen win on television and give an acceptance speech. Anyway, after Stevie and Alicia's amazing duet, they announced Kelly Clarkson as the winner of Best Female Pop Vocalist for "Since U Been Gone." I can't say I have a problem with this one. That's an amazing song and I was actually rooting for her to win. And her crazy, tearful speech showed that she really appreciates all that's happening to her.
4) Coldplay sucks. There, I've said it. Did anyone watch this performance tonight and think that they were even remotely good? It sounded awful. And even worse than that, Chris Martin is trying so hard to be Bono on stage (perhaps after criticism that he has been too stiff in the past) that it has become comical. He's not Bono. In fact it's reached the point where he looks like a Will Ferrell impression of Bono; not really believable, but hilarious for its outrageousness. Did they really need 2 songs? Couldn't Kanye have done 3 instead and done "Diamonds..." with Jay-Z?
5) Who the fuck is Sugarland? And why do they get to sing a song before they announce an award? Does Ben Roethlisberger get to sing a song before he announces a performer? Anyway, why is it that 99% of country music groups look and sound exactly alike? Gender doesn't even matter. If you take a couple of guys in black with shiny studs and a black cowboy hat, and a woman in blue jeans, a frayed leather top of some sort, and a brown cowboy hat, and put them on stage, they will somehow form a country music group. It's a scientific fact. Sugarland actually got to announce two awards. One was a lifetime achievement award for Merle Haggard, who won primarily for his hit "I Kissed My Sweety With My Fist." Just kidding for anyone who doesn't watch Family Guy. The other was for Best Country Album which went to Alison Krauss and Union Station which I don't have a problem with. My experience with the Irish and American bluegrass have led me to realize that she is incredibly talented.
6) These video clips coming back from commercial are an interesting way to eliminate the awkwardness of introducing some to introduce a performer. Of course, Bono took the opportunity in his video to refer to "Vertigo" as a song that "makes you want to burn your house down." I'm not quite sure what he meant by that, but a year ago he would have been correct. That song made me want to burn a lot of things down. It's grown on me by this point though and it was a pretty good performance. As for the Mary J. Blige addition to "One," I'm not so sure. On the whole, U2 sounded better before she joined. The only part she improved was the buildup in the "Love is a temple, love the higher law" part towards the end. There her energy was just infectious and really added something. But the rest of the song just seemed a little off. I think they would have been better off doing "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" similar to Rattle and Hum when U2 used a gospel choir. Of course then Bono couldn't have had his CoeXisT symbol in the background (I don't think there are any keyboard shortcuts for the Muslim crescent, the star of David, or the cross). It was funny though to see that Mary is at least as tall if not taller than Bono.
6 1/2) David Bowie won a lifetime achievement award. True, Bowie is awesome, but they're giving these things out like giftbags tonight. Next up, Keith Richards' heroin dealer.
7) The Best Rap Album went to Kanye and if it hadn't I would have flown to L.A. and thrown a fit myself. Late Registration is amazing.
8) Kelly Clarkson performed a song I don't know, but she really does have an amazing voice. Kudos American Idol fans.
9) U2 won for Best Rock Album. I've been mulling this one over for a little while now, trying to decide if it follows Rule #1 from last year's Grammys. HTDAAB is not a classic in line with Achtung Baby, The Joshua Tree, or even All That You Can't Leave Behind. But were the recent albums from the Foo Fighters, Coldplay, The Rolling Stones, or Neil Young any better? I can't answer that because I haven't listened to any other than Coldplay (answer: no) but from what I've heard about the new Stones album they may have been snubbed. Who knows. I'll take Bono and the Edge giving a speech any day of the week though.
10) Ellen Degeneres gave a cute introduction ("This next man needs no introduction..." turn around, walk away) for Paul McCartney. Now, I haven't been a fan of Sir Paul's recent national television exploits (don't get me started on last year's Superbowl) but there are a few songs left that he can play that will still impress me. "Helter Skelter" is one of them. Despite those damn Fidelity ads, he can still rock.
11) John Legend beat Stevie Wonder for Best Male R&B Vocal. I like John Legend, but Stevie should always get the benefit of Rule #1 (Stevie Corollary)
12) Mariah Carey. She's battled back from years of contract/label disputes and claims that she's a psycho, egomaniacal diva megabitch to put out what some would consider the album of the year. Here's what kills me. Mariah easily put on one of the best performances of the night, showing off her 15,000-octave range and putting some soul into it in the process, but I just can't feel someone who has to perform with a diamond-studded microphone. If that things was real, it was no doubt worth 3 or 4 times the GDP of Senegal.
13) Kelly Clarkson won Best Pop Vocal ahead of Fiona Apple, Sheryl Crow, and Paul McCartney. Not sure I agree with that one, considering Kelly doesn't exactly do the majority of the songwriting, but I'm happy for her nonetheless. She managed to get through this one without crying.
14) Even Linkin Park can win a Grammy with Jay-z at the helm. Give Midas a platinum touch and big sunglasses and you have Jay-z. By the way, I'm not sure how "They Say" didn't win here. That's probably the best track on Common's album and features Kanye's lines, "Ahh...the sweet taste of victory/Go ahead and breathe it in like antihistamine" and "But God don't ever give me nothing I can't handle/So please don't ever give me record I can't sample." But I'll just take it as a sign that my love for Jay-z is justified and leave it at that.
15) Rule #3. A very big one. And it applies to the Sly and the Family Stone tribute more than any other before. As it started, I said out loud, "This is gonna suck." I wasn't disappointed. I don't even remember how many different people crapped on different songs before Steven Tyler called out Sly himself who looked like he was applying for the 1987 Red Hot Chili Peppers. He also looked like he'd been shooting up enough heroin recently to be a part of the 1987 Chili Peppers and his vocal additions to his own song were minimal. Amazingly enough, there was one point near the end when the ensemble actually began to sound like two trains crashing together.
16) Jay-Z is awesome. Anyone who can make Linkin Park sound good deserves loads of credit. Really Linkin Park stayed out of this one, offering little more than some cool piano sounds to "Encore" which was a wise decision. Jay-Z rocked the house. And the addition of "Yesterday" would have been cool, if not random, by itself as a tag (Jay-Z, if you're listening, I want to hear that recorded) but Paul McCartney strolling out to finish it left me in shock and awe. It's official, Sir Paul is cool in my eyes once again.
16 1/2) Sometime around this point Brian IMs me to say, "That was easily one of the strangest things I've seen. And that applies to several moments I've seen tonight."
17) I think I like Springsteen's performances better without the E Street Band, but I still don't get his icon status. I just don't get it. He's very good. He's not Dylan.
18) The most worthy U2 win of the night for Best Song with "Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own." This is probably my favorite song on the album and Bono's acceptance speech about his father was touching.
19) All I have to say about Kanye's performance with Jaime Foxx: wow.
20) Kanye gets robbed again! Or does he? Say what you want about Green Day's commercial success, or their seemingly forced political declarations. Or even about their talent and legitimacy at this point in their careers. But "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" is a damn catchy song. I'm not saying I like it, but I can see where the Academy is coming from. And "Golddigger" is by far not the best song on that album. I think Kanye should have won here, but it's not highway robbery.
21) What happened to Christina Aguilera? First she gets married, then she gets all dolled up like a respectable starlet and gives the best performance of the night. I think she made Herbie Hancock look better than he was tonight, not the other way around. Man, what a voice, and with that look she could be a late-80s/early-90s Whitney Houston ("Xtina don't do crack! Crack is for poor people!").
22) John Legend is without a doubt the only choice in that field for Best New Artist.
23) Kanye West is robbed AGAIN! Okay this time is more legitimate. You cannot tell me that HTDAAB is a better album than Late Registration. You just can't. Physical impossibility. But of all the people for Kanye to lose it to I'll take U2 as being the group (back to Rule #1 of course). Even Big K looked happy for them. And Bono's shoutout to all the other nominees was nice, but what he said to Kanye about losing for ATYCLB (to the Oh Brother, Where Art Thou Soundtrack) and Achtung Baby (to either Clapton Unplugged or The Bodyguard Soundtrack, depending on whether it was eligible in 1992 or 1993- in either situation a travesty) was particularly nice. Sometimes you win when you shouldn't and sometimes someone else does. If Kanye's last two albums are any indication, he'll be up there in the not too distant future.
24) Last but not least, a final tribute ensemble! Get ready for Rule #3 in full force! Wait...what's going on...this was actually...good? Surprising as it may be, the last song in a tribute to New Orleans was pretty enjoyable. Perhaps it was because the artists understood the importance of what they were performing to. Perhaps it was because Bonnie Rait sang backup vocals, Elvis Costello sang one verse, Springsteen didn't sing by himself, and the Edge only played guitar. Perhaps those New Orleans blues singers are just too good to let other people mess up their songs. Regardless of the reasons, this performance ended the show on a positive note.
So in conclusion, I would have to say that my applicable rules from last year only stood up a slight majority of the time. I have to note that Rules #2 and 4 did not apply because no one died before releasing an album (I could make such a great joke about John Mayer's voice right there but I won't) and John Mayer was not nominated. On the whole, and taken for what it is, the show was pretty enjoyable. If I had to compare to last year, I would say that the Grammys are still an abusive ex-girlfriend, but she's in counseling and we're working out our problems.
Oh, and my category (#87), Best Album Notes, is now apparently Field #25 (up 62, that's impressive) and went to: The Complete Library Of Congress Recordings By Alan Lomax John Szwed, album notes writer (Jelly Roll Morton). Someday! Someday you will be mine!!!!
posted by Mike @ 11:57 PM
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